'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.'

- Barry Venison

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'

- Graeme Le Saux

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'

- Ian Rush

'The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European.' - Phil Neville

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.' - Thierry Henry

'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.'

- Paul Gascoigne

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - Ugo Ehiogu

'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.'

- David Beckham

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.' - Richard Rufus

'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.' - Vinny Jones

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka

Fire brigade phones Arsene Wenger in the early hours of Sunday morning...

"Mr Wenger sir, Highbury is on fire!"

"The cups man! Save the cups!" replies Arsene.

"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."

AND THEY SAID FOOTBALL COULD NOT GET ANY BIGGER

Q.You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

A.Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice.

Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?

A: Because if it walked it would be mugged.